The Terry Richardson photo shoot is something of a milestone. More often than not, it means a co-sign, and confirmation that you’re doing your fucking thing. For the folks headed to out to Coachella, this one seems only appropriate, since Tyler and the gang will rock their first real major festival stage (SXSW excepted) tomorrow night. In any case, I’m juiced for the whole weekend, and particularly to see OFWGKTA go ham out there, provided Tyler doesn’t jump off an amp and break my collarbone. For the rest of the shoot, and a characteristically weird ass Tyler monologue for Vice, hit the MORE.
Tyler, the Creator recently called Vice out via Twitter for ignoring that video of him eating a cockroach and hanging himself that got 50 million views or whatever. So we said, â€œOK, bub, if you feel neglected why donâ€™t you write something for us. You donâ€™t even have to physically put it down on a piece of paper. Youâ€™re saying weird shit all the time. Just come up with an idea, walk around with a tape recorder for a few minutes, and get someone to type what you said into a computer or phone. We are a magazine, after all.â€ A week later he emailed us the rumination below and said he wanted to write captions for photos Terry Richardson took of him and some of his Odd Future buds. We happily obliged.
Which is a better pet? A turtle, table, or steak?
Some turtles are really fucking evil. They want to take over the world and keep all the water to themselves. I recently saw this documentary called Rango, with some nigga named Johnny Depp narrating it, explaining how corrupt land turtles are. Sea turtles are usually cool (example: Finding Nemo), but those land muthafuckas are shit. Look at Super Marioâ€”they tried to kill the princess! And Bowser is a big-ass stank nigga. So, no, overall turtles donâ€™t make good pets. They will try to kill you in your sleep and doo-doo in your sneakers.
Tables are really nice. They listen to your worries, hold things for you, and you can boo-boo on them and they will not complain. The first table I had was named Hemphrey. He couldnâ€™t speak English too well, but Hemphrey was the nicest table Iâ€™d ever met. He died from a heroin overdose. So, yes, tables make great pets, just keep cool shit like heroin away from them.
Steak. So good. Well-done steaks are well mannered. Raw steaks are just like the people who eat them. Musty. So, steaks can be good or musty pets. Choose one and choose wisely.
Overall, tables are the coolest pets.
Golf Wang, bitch!
This is Terry. He fucks bitches and does real nigga shit. He recently bought some rims.
This is Damien. ‘Nuff said.
This is Syd. She loves penis. She’d never turn gay.
This is Domo, hands down the skinniest member of the group.
This is Left Brain. That is his nose.
This is Tyler. He’s buff as fuck and has the smallest bottom lips EVER.